Youth Ministry Tips

Tip #444: Know When to Say No

Submitted by Brit Windel I don’t know if you struggle like I do in ministry with being able to say NO! I was speaking to a friend from back home just the other day and he was upset because he had to turn down a Discipleship Now opportunity that I had set up for him. He had made plans to go out with his girlfriend that night and then the D-Now was moved to the night of his date. He debated on telling her he had to change plans and go to this ministry event. But in all frustration he decided to go with her instead. He was upset about this and his lack of ability to say yes and no to things. I told him over all I think he made the best choice. On the one hand ministry experience and working with students is amazing but on the other hand taking your personal time and sticking to it is a must. Too often we get in this mode of saying it’s God’s work 24/7. We forget that Christ would leave His disciples to go be by Himself, to relax and breathe and have His day off. Why do we not follow in the master’s footsteps as well?

I believe He has laid out for us guidelines as ministers in how to live our lives. If you do not make time for yourself you burn out and become very short fused with people. If you don’t make time for your family your marriage, if not ruined ,becomes very rocky and your relationship with your children becomes estranged. How do we find this simple balance? I have not been doing full-time ministry long at all. But I know and see the freedom I have. I am not married and not tied down in a relationship. I have the freedom to work 24/6 (one of those is totally for me and no one else). I can run a mile a minute for 6 days… become exhausted and finally be able to rest on that seventh day. It’s not a normal spiritually prescribed day though. For me it is Thursday. I try not to do any church related work. I just sit and read and enjoy the day. Maybe a visit to Belfast to look at stuff I don’t have money for.

But here comes the issue…how strongly do you fight for your day of rest? The past two Thursdays I have lost the entirety of rest in that I have had meetings and things that I had to attend. I did way the option of being stubborn and not going but decided some give is ok from time to time. This as well we see from Christ. When He heads off for Tarsus and the woman comes to Him asking if He will heal her child. He had gone  away to be alone and again His ministry had caught Him. He had a decision to make. And He did what was called of Him in the moment.

Rest is something we don’t take very seriously at all. A marvelous book to read is The Sabbath by Joshua Heschel. He gives great reasons for rest in today’s everyday world.

But what happens when our ministry continues to ask so much of us? I do believe that we must stand our ground even when it upsets someone or gets them very angry with you. I had a woman the other day ask me if I would think about joining with the other youth worker and take over the Drop-in Center for the street kids. My response was NO! I don’t need to think about it. What made me answer very quickly is that she made the very loving statement I believe God wanted me to ask you and mention it to you. I had already thought about it and been praying for about a month now about it…and KNEW that right now He doesn’t want me to take that on. She was shocked that I told her no.  It was almost as if I had insulted her and her family deeply. She asked why and I just simply told her that I know God is calling me to build the church foundation and youth in my church for this year and help in the capacity of growth with the community. To add the weight of Drop in leader would be more weight that would take away from the ministry and reason I have been called here.

So here is the question - how much is too much for us in ministry? How big of a work load is too much to handle? How much time we spend is a good, safe, responsible, God given amount of time? When and how do we know when we are to give that extra nothing that we don’t have to serve even longer? What are some of your thoughts? I am learning still and pretty ambitious and strong willed. But wonder from those of you with more experience when do you say yes and no to the questions that do push us beyond what we have been called and asked to do?

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